Thursday, March 31, 2011

It's All Right to Cry

One of the possible side effects of Ava's anti-seizure medicine is depression. Usually she is regular silly-billy Ava, but there are times she sucks her thumb and lays on the couch with tears streaming down her face. She will say "Mom I don't know why I feel sad, but I feel like I need to cry. Why am I sad?" and it's heart-wrenching. I'm not sure if it's an acceptable necessary evil...I'll bring it up to the neurologist at our April appointment.

After we went on a treasure hunt walk today (we found some cool rocks, leaves, feathers--yes I know they're gross--and a piece of a key ring) I started to get dinner ready. Ava came in, thumb in mouth, in tears. "I don't know why I'm sad" she sobbed into my legs. I picked her up and brought her to the couch. "Just let yourself cry and I'll hold you." Trying not to cry myself I focused on Eliza who was sorting out the treasures from our hunt. She asked me why Ava was crying. "Well, the medicine she takes for seizures can make her feel like she needs to cry sometimes." Eliza sat next to me and rubbed Ava's back. "Hey Ava, want me to sing for you?" Ava didn't look up "No fanks." Eliza thought for a minute and then perked up "Wait!! I know...hey Ava, want me to read to you? A poem?" Ava sat up and nodded. When Eliza returned with her "Free to Be You and Me" book I knew which poem she was going to read. I was so touched by her thoughtfulness that I stopped trying to hold back tears...afterall...its' all right to cry..

"It's All Right To Cry"
by Carol Hall

It's all right to cry
Crying gets the sad out of you.
It's all right to cry
It might make you feel better.

Raindrops from your eyes
washing all the mad out of you.
Raindrops from your eyes
It might make you feel better.

It's all right to feel things
though the feeling may be strange.
Feelings are such real things
and they change and change
and change...
sad and grumpy,
down in the dumpy
snuggly, huggly,
mean and ugly
sloppy slappy,
hoppy happy
change and change and change...


amy kelinda said...

That is simply the sweetest thing in the world that Eliza did -- what a wonderful sister! The poem is so heartfelt, and I hope it made Ava feel a bit better. It doesn't seem right for someone so young to have to go through such emotional stress -- I am hoping that the neurologist can come up with a solution to keep the seizures away AND keep Ava from depression!

Eleanor said...

I cannot even fathom how this must just be ripping your heart in two because mine just broke a little reading this!
Ava is lucky to have such a loving older sister, and they are both so lucky to be being raised in such a warm, loving environment!


Anne said...

Thank you and thank you!! Yes, we are very lucky to have Eliza--she is a sweetheart. I'll let you know what the neurologist is a side-effect under the "tell your doctor if.." so we'll see.
Happy FRIDAY :)

lucegirl said...

Hi Anne : )

That is a precious story. it's amazing that both girls at such young ages could express what they were feeling so well. that is a big difference between boys and girls for sure at this age! Poor Ava. For what it's worth - we have changed my son's medication, type and dose, multiple times over the past year. there are lots of different medications. Our neurologist said during one our first appointments that any side effect that impacts his personality was not acceptable and that we'd try something else. So it's normal to go through some trial and error, but they'll get it right for her I am sure. It took us quite a few months to get it right, so hang in there!!

Anne said...

Again, thanks so much! That is very reassuring. Yes, girls and boys are night and day!! My girls are very expressive--it's a huge blessing. They will hide love notes under my pillow or in my husband's suitcase! LOL

Lisa - respect the shoes said...

That's so sweet and touching. Your daughters are true sisters in spirit.

Marie said...

What a kind big sister. Poor must be so difficult for her to understand and hugs to must just break your heart in two. :(

Anne said...

Thanks girls are very sweet to each other when it counts :)

Yeah, Marie she actually understands it pretty well. I tell her that it's her medicine that makes her feel sad and to just ride it out, that she'll soon feel better. I'm pretty sure we'll switch the medicine, but that's unnerving too because her current meds have worked well at controlling the seizures. It's a trial and error period--I'm getting plenty of practice in the patience dept. LOL